I told you in my last post that I feel like a chiseled statue. I have searched the past couple of years for the answer to the question of Why? I think I nearly crashed & burned. Maybe I really did crash. To some extent, I burned a little too.
Someone asked me the other day why the sudden post? Well, I don't know. I said when I started this blog that I wouldn't write unless I was moved. I haven't been moved until now.
I haven't been able to find the words. I haven't been able to explain it to anyone. I know there are some that don't understand how a man that has been called by God to preach could step away. But until you are walking in those shoes, there's no way to explain. I think there are several reasons why God allowed this to happen the way He did. Do y'all remember Job? I believe that God can & will remove certain things & people from you in order to get His point across. I speak for myself & not D, but I believe full well, this is part of what's been going on in my world. I've known for a long time that God will allow things to happen to get you to grow in your relationship with Him. Whether it is the loss of a spouse, a parent, a child, a diagnosis, martial problems, problems with the kids, work, whatever. I've also come to believe that a spiritual battle is harder that the life battles. The life battles can draw you closer to Him, but what happens when you were close like Job & all of a sudden all hell breaks loose? What then?
That has been my question.. What now? What is this? What the crap? And there has been no answer. Until this morning...
Years ago, like way back when I was so immature in my faith, I sat in a room while someone taught "Experiencing God". Notice I said I sat. To this day I can't tell you one thing about that class. I was there because it was what I was supposed to do. But during my searching I've been reminded of that study. So what does the geek in me do? I get the book. And this morning right before my eyes is my answer..
"Don't just do something. Stand there! Enter a love relationship with Me. Get to know Me. Adjust your life to Me. Let Me love you & reveal Myself through you to a watching world. A time will come when doing will be called for, but we cannot skip the relationship. The relationship with God must come first."
I've had the relationship. It's been a good one. But apparently it needed some tweeking.
I turned the page to the next lesson & then there was this line..
"When God is about to do something through you, He has to get you from where you are to where He is."
Oh I was where He was. Kind of. But apparently I needed some adjustments. I know you're probably thinking "how could a preacher's wife need adjustments? Aren't they supposed to have it all together?
NO!!!! I don't have it all together. I am a human. Not a perfect robot. If you could see inside my head you would be so shocked.
God never calls the perfect. I can't say who He calls & what the qualifications are other than to be willing to go.
Ok. Back to the subject at hand. I have no idea where He is sending. He may not send me anywhere.
I just know He's done a number on me. I felt guilty for a while because I was doing nothing. I was brought up in the old Southern Baptists ways of you must be doing something. And here I was doing nothing. Absolutely nothing.
I don't know what my point in this post is. Maybe just as a mental note to myself. Or maybe it's because some one reading it needed these quotes.
I'm reminded of Ecclesiastes 3:1-5 "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heaven: a time to be born & a time to die, a time to plant & a time to uproot, a time to kill & a time to heal, a time to tear down & a time to build, a time to weep & a time to laugh, a time to mourn & a time to dance, a time to scatter stones & a time to gather them, a time to embrace & a time to refrain, a time to search & a time to throw away, a time to tear & a time to mend, a time to be silent & a time to speak, a time to love & a time to hate, a time for war & a time for peace."
Maybe the time for all of this is NOW.
Jimmy Buffet has a song that says something to that effect..
"I bought a cheap watch from a crazy man floating down canal, It doesn't use numbers or moving hands it always just says now."
I think I may need to find one of those.
Until next time.....