Tuesday, May 17, 2011
I feel like a two year old who needs a time or a nap
Do you ever just get completely drained? I mean physically, emotionally, spiritually? I do. I have. I am. Being parents of two active teenagers, a bi-vocational pastor & family, business owner, & working with the public will do it to you before you realize it has happened.
I know that our creator didn't create Sunday to stay at home & literally "rest". He wants us to be with other believers to encourage each other & enjoy worship together. And believe me we do. But Sunday we stopped & rested. It was much needed. And I have to say enjoyed. The verse that comes to me is "Be still and know I am God" Psalms 46:10. Sunday, we were "still".
Sometimes even though I stop & am still, I'm really not. Looking back today I realized that maybe I wasn't really that still. I can be still but my mind still races. Why is that? You see, I have been working on this post since Sunday. Sunday afternoon to be exact. But as God would have it, I couldn't publish it. So I tried again on Monday. Nope. Not yet.
So here I am now. Today is Tuesday. And I am reminded at how my God works. Everything is always, always done in His time. I took mom to the doc today. We saw the cute lil arthritis doc. The one from, well, I don't really know where he is from. But we really do like him. He always knows when I have been there. Y'all know me, I don't cut many folks any slack. He is no exception. Anyway, where was I? Oh doc's office, I was reading "One thousand gifts" by Ann Voskamp and I read this: "Stressed." "Stress isn't only a joy stealer. The way we respond to it can be sin." "Knowing that stress stands in direct opposition to what He directly tenderly commands: "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me" John 14:1 " " I know an untroubled heart relaxes, trust, leans assured into His ever dependable arms. Trust, it's the antithesis of stress. "Oh the joys of those who trust the Lord" (Psalm 40:4) But how to learn trust like that? Can trust be conjured up simply by sheer will, on command? I can't fill with joy until I learn how to trust: May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow (Romans 15:13) And this is the line that made me gulp. "If authentic, saving belief is the act of trusting, then to choose stress is an act of disbelief." So I started asking myself, do I really choose stress? I really want to say No, I don't. It chooses me. But that isn't true. I choose stress by how I react to the situation I am faced with in that moment. That day. And honestly, nine times out of ten, it ain't pretty. I'm too high strung to deal with stress gracefully. But then that line jumped off the page at me. If I choose in a spit second to react to a situation the way I usually do, then, really I am not trusting my God, the one I call Daddy, to take care of the situation. Whether it be a small thing or something huge like health problems, finances, kids, whatever. So several thoughts & verses have come to my mind. The lyrics of Mandisa's "Stronger", If He started this work in your life He'll be faithful to complete it if only you believe it." Isaiah 42:16 was brought to my attention Sunday & again today," I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them."
I told Him this morning, I have just about reached rock bottom. Nothing else to give anyone. I needed some help. I needed Him to reach down & pull me out a bit. And sure nuf, this is what He gave me. I stress myself. Stress doesn't stress me. I do. Why? Because I have failed in letting Him take care of it all. Now am I saying that the author of this book is right? That is up to you to decide for yourself. I just know God used her writing to get my attention. Which is really what I wanted Him to do. Get my attention. Make me stop. Make me slow down. I have trouble doing that. But I think I might be willing to try to do better.