Wednesday, January 7, 2015

To my future daughter in law

 I've thought about these words for a while. Who they would be for and when to let you see them.   I think it may be time.  

To my future daughter in law,  you will never understand this feeling until you, yourself become a mother.  I understand that it is different when you have a daughter.  I don't.  I have two boys, and you will one day marry one of them.  I had never known love like this until the reality of actually having another living, breathing creature living inside my body set in.   I had never felt the need to care for something so much.  I had never felt the excitement that I felt in those nine months.  Even in loving their father, loving the little boy, your future husband, was different.

I remember just about every detail of the pregnancy. I remember every detail of the day he was born.  I remember how I felt when they handed him to me for the first time & I saw his little face.  He was perfect.  He was mine. I remember how he felt wrapped up in the hospital blanket.  I remember how nervous I was when we loaded up in the car to bring him home.  I missed him being a part of me for a while after he was born.  I knew he was safe there inside of me.  I knew I could take care of him there.  You see, I wanted to be there for every moment, every first experience he had. I was the one who got up with him at night.  When he cried I wanted to be there.  When he hurt himself and needed band aides, I wanted to be there.  I busied myself  taking countless pictures of him as he grew.  Both with a camera and in my mind. I didn't want to miss a moment.

You know, I was the first woman he ever loved.  I was the first woman he ever kissed.  I was the first woman that he ever said "I love you" to.  I was the first woman that he saw when he went to sleep and the first when he woke up.  I was the first woman that ever cooked for him or washed his clothes.  I was the first woman who ever loved him for who he was.  I was also the first woman to ever hurt him.  I was  the first woman that he told his secrets to.  I was the first woman to hear his heart beat.  I was the first woman to ever see him cry.

I'm not saying all of this to be mean or to hurt your feelings, in fact, it's right the opposite. I'm saying all of this so maybe you will understand what a gift you are getting.  And, also maybe help myself  let him go. 

I taught a Sunday School lesson a few of weeks ago about learning to yield.  I feel I am knee deep in that now.  I am learning to yield my mothering. This little boy is a  young man now.  He don't need me as much.  It is you he will need.  He will leave me and cleave to you.  It's the way it was intended.  He won't call me when the air goes out in his home.  He won't call me when something happens to the car.  He won't call me when the babies come along and are sick.  All of this, I know, is the way God intended for it to be.  But it doesn't change the fact that He gave him to me to prepare for you.  I hope I have done alright.  I have spoiled him as best I could.  And truth be told, it is his father who has taught him how to love the woman he will marry.  He is the one who has really taught him how to treat you well.  And I will say he's done an outstanding job. 

Future daughter in law of mine, I want you to also know that you have been prayed for all his life.  When I was rocking him, I was praying for you.  I knew the day would come and he wouldn't need me.  So I prayed that God would send him a good Christian girl that would love him as much as I did.  A girl that would want to cook for him.  To wash his clothes.  A girl he could tell his secrets to.  A girl that would listen to his heart beat when she hugged him or put her head on his chest. 
I know there's not a wedding date in sight for now.  But there will come a day when you are the only woman in his life.  And by now, you may already be.  Just know this,  my sweet future daughter in law, if you see me just staring at him a little longer than I should, I am remembering back to a time long gone.  I may be in the delivery room, or in his nursery watching him sleep.  I may be on a ball field, a ball court, or even sitting in the sand watching him play in the gulf.  Because in my mind, he's still my little baby boy.

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